Growing Up Hilt

A blog written by Wendy Hilt that features interesting "To the Hilt" stories & thoughts on "Being Hilt." It's a preview of the book, "Growing Up Hilt." The book chronicles 50 years of challenges in an amazing sales career with bipolar disorder as my SUPER-POWER.

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Growing Up Hilt: A Journey with Bipolar as my Super-Power

Start of Blog 10.7.26 Bipolar for Days

My Journey My Journey

My True Love My True Love

I Dreamed of Mom Last Night I Dreamed of Mom Last Night

My “Little” Brother Chris My “Little” Brother Chris

Radio Rockstars Radio Rockstars

My True Love My True Love

My Career in Pictures Career Photos

Family Cardinal Events

Bipolar People You May Know

Words of Wisdom I Can’t Ignore

Floating the Current

Misc. Family Photos

My Sanctuary at Home

Flowers, Flowers, & Flowers

My Makanda Garden

My St. Louis Garden 2002-2010

2025 Update

Additional Writing Additional Random Writing

Recollections Recollections

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    Wendy Hilt is from Murphysboro, Illinois and has two sons: Dane and Tucker. (They are Davis boys.) Wendy started her career in sales and really found a home for herself in radio with the launch of New Country Z100 in Southern Illinois. After her children were born she and the fam relocated to St. Louis where Wendy began several radio success stories. Most impressive is that she put her baseball knowledge to work and went to work for KMOX and the St. Louis Cardinals selling advertisements and promotions at Busch Stadium. In 1998 Wendy went to work in the internet industry with a national position handling six import vehicles traveling all over the US presenting the Autotrader.com Tier 2 programs. She retired from sales in 2011 and has relocated to a rural life in Makanda, Illinois.

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    Courtesy of http://www.mydepressionteam.com

    Risk Factors for Developing Bipolar Disorder

    One systematic review of the available data suggests there are no significant differences between ethnicities or genders regarding bipolar disorder diagnosis.

    Bipolar Disorder and Heredity

    The biggest risk factor for bipolar disorder is having family members with the disease. The importance of family history suggests that bipolar disorder has a strong hereditary component. In other words, bipolar disorder can run in families.

    One genetic variant in the section of DNA that codes for brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) has been repeatedly shown to have a strong association with bipolar disorder. BDNF is important to cell survival, nerve growth, communication, and memory. BDNF levels have even been shown to rise and fall as a person transitions in and out of depressive or manic states.

    Bipolar Disorder and Environmental Factors

    Genes alone don’t explain why some people get bipolar disorder and others don’t. Environment can also play a big role. For instance, early life stress has also been shown to contribute to the development of bipolar disorder. Some researchers believe that stress makes it easier for a depressive episode to be triggered.

    Genes and environment also interact in complicated ways. One study found that there is a combined effect of childhood sexual abuse and a mutation in a gene that codes for toll-like receptors, an important component of the immune system. Specifically, the study demonstrated that this combination was more likely to result in an early onset of bipolar disorder. A similar relationship has been observed between the BDNF gene mutation, childhood sexual abuse, and the onset of bipolar disorder.

    Bipolar Disorder Symptoms

    Symptoms of bipolar disorder range from the lows of depressive symptoms to the highs of manic symptoms. These symptoms differ from person to person and episode to episode.

    Symptoms associated with the depressive side of bipolar disorder include:

    • Depressed mood
    • Low interest in activities once enjoyed
    • Low energy or fatigue
    • Weight loss
    • Poor sleep (insomnia or sleeping too much)
    • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
    • Thinking about or planning suicide

    Symptoms associated with the manic side of bipolar disorder include:

    • High energy
    • Decreased need for sleep
    • Talkativeness
    • Exaggerated feelings of importance
    • Racing thoughts
    • Poor decision-making
    • Delusions
    • Hallucinations
    • Psychosis (a “break” from reality)

    The type of bipolar disorder a person has is defined by the symptoms they experience.

    Types of Bipolar Disorder

    There are three types of bipolar disorder:

    • Bipolar type 1 — The most extreme form of bipolar disorder, type 1 indicates individuals have experienced at least one manic episode in addition to the lows of depression.
    • Bipolar type 2 — Individuals with this form of bipolar disorder only experience hypomania and not true mania. Therefore, this type is defined by alternating hypomanic and depressive episodes.
    • Cyclothymic disorder (cyclothymia) — This type is also defined by highs and lows, but they are not as high as hypomania or as low as that experienced in the depression episodes of bipolar types 1 and 2. Cyclothymic disorder was recently reclassified as a type of bipolar disorder.

    Read more about types of bipolar disorder.

    Diagnosing Bipolar Disorder

    Bipolar disorder is diagnosed based on the newest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) published by the American Psychiatric Association. According to some experts, the current edition of the DSM does a better job than previous editions in recognizing cases of bipolar disorder. However, bipolar disorder remains underdiagnosed in the general population. It is often confused with major depression.

    Remember, a diagnosis can only be made by a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist through a mental health assessment. A doctor may perform a physical examination to rule out other potential causes (such as thyroid disorder), but a referral to psychiatric services is usually required for a proper diagnosis.

    Treating Bipolar Disorder

    Although bipolar disorder can’t yet be cured, treatments for bipolar disorder can help manage symptoms of the disorder. Many people with bipolar disorder take a combination of medications to help manage lows and highs. These medications may include:

    • Mood stabilizers (anticonvulsants) — Drugs that are used for seizures, at the right doses, can also be used for bipolar disorder to stabilize mood swings. Some of these drugs include Lamictal (lamotrigine) and Depakote (divalproex sodium). Lithium is an older drug, but it is still used today.
    • Antidepressants — Although antidepressants don’t work for everyone, they can help some people manage their depression.
    • Antipsychotics — These drugs can help manage episodes of mania and psychosis, delusional thinking, and other symptoms associated with mania.

    In addition to prescription drugs, psychotherapy is often a helpful treatment option for learning to manage symptoms. For instance, cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown to be helpful for symptoms associated with bipolar disorder.

    Read more about treatments for bipolar disorder.

    Talk With Others Who Understand

    MyDepressionTeam is the social network for people with depression and their loved ones. On MyDepressionTeam, more than 13,000 members diagnosed with bipolar disorder come together to ask questions, give advice, and share their stories with others who understand life with depression and bipolar disorder.

    Are you living with bipolar disorder? Share your experience in the comments below, or start a conversation by posting on your Activities page.

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    Wendy Hilt is from Murphysboro, Illinois and has two sons: Dane and Tucker. (They are Davis boys.) Wendy started her career in sales and really found a home for herself in radio with the launch of New Country Z100 in Southern Illinois. After her children were born she and the fam relocated to St. Louis where Wendy began several radio success stories. Most impressive is that she put her baseball knowledge to work and went to work for KMOX and the St. Louis Cardinals selling advertisements and promotions at Busch Stadium. In 1998 Wendy went to work in the internet industry with a national position handling six import vehicles traveling all over the US presenting the Autotrader.com Tier 2 programs. She retired from sales in 2011 and has relocated to a rural life in Makanda, Illinois.

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    Originally started 05,24.26 My bipolar disorder has slowly gotten much worse as I’ve gotten older. More psychotic states, less energy, less stamina, loss of focus.

    Maybe that’s why I’m returning to writing a blog to record it. I don’t know how to remedy this. I try to eat & sleep the best way for me. Even my flowers are at a standstill…growing like they like to do…

    I have started participating in a mental health website and am really enjoying it. One thing is for certain, though: Many people are worse off than me. In some ways I’ve done everything correctly. My sales training helps. I never tolerated negative thoughts or the idea that I couldn’t do it. I always could do it if I made up my mind to.

    The good news is that I haven’t had a serious depressive setback in a long while. I can handle being manic, but I shut down completely when I get depressed.

    Starting with a new psychiatrist. Dr. R retired. He needed to. I was charged with finding a new one, and that’s practically impossible in my rural area now. I have settled into having a nurse practitioner handle my meds, and I will need to find a qualified psychologist for therapy.

    No Therapy for Wendy

    10.7.26 Insurance is one of the ills of the world! They tell you when, what, how, and when. When! That’s the one I frequently have problems with. Not only do they make their paperwork to enroll or change so complicated that Einstein would have problems! And if you choose the
    “wrong one,” you could lose all coverage or important coverage to you.

    I think it’s important that we think out loud and get an unencumbered opinion about our approach. Dr. R did both. He was never too busy to see and listen to me ramble on. He lent me his ear at least once a month. I cannot find a psychiatrist in my area now that I’ve moved to rural Southern Illinois. I did find a Physician’s Assistant, but she has made it clear that she is just there to manage medicine.

    As a result of confusing Medicare coverage, I’ve waited, and the 15th of this month I will be covered. Now to find a pyshologist/therapist in my area. After a splattering of calls, I have decided t

    As a result of confusing Medicare coverage, I’ve waited, and on the 15th of this month I will be covered. Now to find a psychologist/therapist in my area. After a splattering of calls, I have decided to enroll in one of the telehealth services. I think I’m going to try the one specifically for bipolar.

    My first professional photo was taken by my late friend Rhon, and yes, those are all my last names! This is probably the best photo I ever took. I always thought it was this one, but it’s from the 1990s.

    October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

    If you are over 40, please get your annual mammogram. My cancer was malignant, and my 40-year-old screening mammogram saved my life!

    I’m a real gardener, and that entails cleaning up this time of year.

    October 8, 2026 — Determined to Blog

    I am determined to be dedicated to this blog. I have started many blogs before and didn’t follow through. When I take a glimpse of something I’ve written, I’m usually impressed.

    Here’s an excerpt from my book “Growing up Hilt” for your perusal:

    Bipolar Disorder can be very tough. Most people who use the term don’t even know what it means. It used to be called “manic-depressive disorder”. When I am down in the dumps, I can become very severely depressed, but it also may mean I am a short nap or change of scenery away from being back to normal. I’ve been both kind of depressed. When I am on the high end (manic or experiencing hypomania), I talk fast or write fast; I’m jovial and might command the spotlight of an audience. If I’m working, I will work harder and harder. If I’m alone, I find something to do to stay busy. I’ve been known to do some of my best creative crafts when I’ve been manic.  I really like living on the edge of mania—high performing, but not exhausting or obnoxious. 

      My best friends’ responses when I told them about my condition were not a response of surprise, but rather one acknowledgement telling me that they knew, and they loved me either way. Both men are the best of my friends. They already knew that I suffered from mania, though they had never put a name on it. They had also seen me calm and almost blue at other times in my life. But in much of my life I had been high-performing and “manic.” Before the doctor, before I knew, they knew, and they loved all the parts of me that vary in size and intensity. By size, I mean that whole spotlight thing again, though my weight has gone up and down in my life in what seemed like random ways. Now I know that it has a rhyme and reason. 

    I’m not angry. I’m bipolar. I’m relieved. I don’t want to be angry.  I always knew that there was something different about me, something special. Well, I am special because I can do it and function in circumstances that make other people crumble. I am special because I see beauty in things more vibrant and catching than anyone else. I am special because I’m in touch with who I am, how I feel, and what is going on around me. I can stand above the crowd and draw its feelings into me…all the feelings: happiness, fun, sadness, disregard, and devastation. I take it in and sit quietly for a minute while I process it, and then I get back to the business of participating in my life. That’s a beautiful word to me—participating. A lot of people live their lives without really participating, letting things happen to them and moving forward without truly making any of the decisions themselves. I like to think that when I am hypo manic, I participate in every moment of my life.  

    I open my eyes to a new day with the brew of coffee giving me some help. I get up early now. Earlier than I would like some days, but I try to make sure that the hour or two that I spend in a still dark, quiet house are productive in some way. I find mornings that start after five good mornings. Often, I start turning back and forth in my bed, watching the clock at two or three o’clock and force myself to stay in bed for at least another hour. I rub my eyes but know that I must give up on more sleep because more sleep will not come. I get up earlier than I need to. For a while, I struggled to get out of bed, and I attributed that to one of my medicines. I was on that medicine for a few years, and that was the case the whole time. The medicine made me need to sleep at night and in the daytime. I felt like I was in a bit of a haze the whole time. That, and the fact that I gained 30 pounds on that medicine, took it out of play for me, even though it worked well on my depression. 

    Tucker called! 10.8.2026

    He did! He called, and we talked for over two hours about virtually everything. It had been at least the previous six years that I was in a psychotic fog. So, for ten years of this boy’s life, I hadn’t seen or spoken to him.

    He said he hadn’t seen Dane since he left the 21st Century Hotel three years ago. They talk a little. Tuck said that the next two days Dane will be covered up since he’s the bar manager.

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    Wendy Hilt is from Murphysboro, Illinois and has two sons: Dane and Tucker. (They are Davis boys.) Wendy started her career in sales and really found a home for herself in radio with the launch of New Country Z100 in Southern Illinois. After her children were born she and the fam relocated to St. Louis where Wendy began several radio success stories. Most impressive is that she put her baseball knowledge to work and went to work for KMOX and the St. Louis Cardinals selling advertisements and promotions at Busch Stadium. In 1998 Wendy went to work in the internet industry with a national position handling six import vehicles traveling all over the US presenting the Autotrader.com Tier 2 programs. She retired from sales in 2011 and has relocated to a rural life in Makanda, Illinois.

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    I have lots and lots of pictures from some areas of my life. Here’s me with my high school best friend who chose my college best friend to be in her wedding: Kelly and Gwen I’ve known most of my life.

    Modeling photos, 2025 Wendy, Miss Apple Festival. I don’t think my dad cared much for Tim, with Dane camping at Current River

    Just miscellaneous Me, Momma Mae with Tucker,

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    Wendy Hilt is from Murphysboro, Illinois and has two sons: Dane and Tucker. (They are Davis boys.) Wendy started her career in sales and really found a home for herself in radio with the launch of New Country Z100 in Southern Illinois. After her children were born she and the fam relocated to St. Louis where Wendy began several radio success stories. Most impressive is that she put her baseball knowledge to work and went to work for KMOX and the St. Louis Cardinals selling advertisements and promotions at Busch Stadium. In 1998 Wendy went to work in the internet industry with a national position handling six import vehicles traveling all over the US presenting the Autotrader.com Tier 2 programs. She retired from sales in 2011 and has relocated to a rural life in Makanda, Illinois.

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    by Wendy Elizabeth Hilt

    Here’s a bunch of pictures that did not fit anywhere else. There are years represented here with friends, and when my kids were STILL adorable.

    No one should like me THIS much! Get a life…

    Tuck & Dane when they liked each other

    ………………………………………………………………………………….Me at the MLB HOF in Cooperstown

    Titan on his bed

    ……………………………………………Wen & Brittney

    …………………………………………………………………………..Fam at Jack Buck

    Roxann & Me in photo booth

    ……………………………………………………………………..Family at Cardinal Game

    Momma Mae with cheesecake & Rhon in the background

    Margaret, Wen & Martha at Current River

    National Accounts Team

    Wendy & Cary at HOF for Tony Gwynn’s Induction

    Dane at Saluki Basketball

    Larry–Isn’t he good-looking?

    ……………………………………………Event at Wrigley. Heidi, Joel, Bonnie & Me

    …………………………………………………………………………………………………..I made friends at the Sox game

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    Wendy Hilt is from Murphysboro, Illinois and has two sons: Dane and Tucker. (They are Davis boys.) Wendy started her career in sales and really found a home for herself in radio with the launch of New Country Z100 in Southern Illinois. After her children were born she and the fam relocated to St. Louis where Wendy began several radio success stories. Most impressive is that she put her baseball knowledge to work and went to work for KMOX and the St. Louis Cardinals selling advertisements and promotions at Busch Stadium. In 1998 Wendy went to work in the internet industry with a national position handling six import vehicles traveling all over the US presenting the Autotrader.com Tier 2 programs. She retired from sales in 2011 and has relocated to a rural life in Makanda, Illinois.

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    I love Orchids! I’m the only person I know that grows them. Mine have bloomed when they felt like it. I’m still learning!

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    Wendy Hilt is from Murphysboro, Illinois and has two sons: Dane and Tucker. (They are Davis boys.) Wendy started her career in sales and really found a home for herself in radio with the launch of New Country Z100 in Southern Illinois. After her children were born she and the fam relocated to St. Louis where Wendy began several radio success stories. Most impressive is that she put her baseball knowledge to work and went to work for KMOX and the St. Louis Cardinals selling advertisements and promotions at Busch Stadium. In 1998 Wendy went to work in the internet industry with a national position handling six import vehicles traveling all over the US presenting the Autotrader.com Tier 2 programs. She retired from sales in 2011 and has relocated to a rural life in Makanda, Illinois.

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    “The most solid advice for a writer is this, I think: Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.” –Ernest Hemingway

    “We are the same…people are people. They laugh, cry, feel and love and music seems to be the common denominator that brings us all together. Music cuts through all boundaries and goes right to the soul.” –Willie Nelson

    “Courage is not having the strength to go on; it is going on when you don’t have the strength.” –Theodore Roosevelt

    “In a competition of love we’ll all share in the victory no matter who comes in first.” –Mohammed Ali

    I don’t know who said this and it doesn’t matter:

    Behind every strong independent woman lies a broken little girl who had to learn how to get back up and to never depend on anyone.

    Here’s more:

    Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it.

    The beautiful thing about life is that your past may have been difficult, get smarter. Your future can be extremely bright. So never lose hope because you never know what tomorrow will bring.

    A strong woman stands up for herself. A stronger woman stands up for everyone else.

    Make it happen. Shock everyone. Shock yourself. This mission is personal. It takes a lot to start over again. You owe it to yourself to become everything you’ve dreamed of. Be brave. Trust the magic of new beginnings. Things will find their shape.

    We might think we are nurturing our garden, but of course, it is our garden that is really nurturing us.

    Boundaries are not walls. They are doors with locks you control. You’re not being mean for saying no. You’re being wise. You’re allowed to choose who has access to your heart, your time, and your energy.

    I love this one:

    Children are meant to laugh uncontrollably, play with wild abandon, and make mistakes without fear of judgment. Let them take their time. Let them explore, dream, and live in the moment without the weight of unmet expectations. After all, childhood is not a rehearsal for life–it is life itself.

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    Wendy Hilt is from Murphysboro, Illinois and has two sons: Dane and Tucker. (They are Davis boys.) Wendy started her career in sales and really found a home for herself in radio with the launch of New Country Z100 in Southern Illinois. After her children were born she and the fam relocated to St. Louis where Wendy began several radio success stories. Most impressive is that she put her baseball knowledge to work and went to work for KMOX and the St. Louis Cardinals selling advertisements and promotions at Busch Stadium. In 1998 Wendy went to work in the internet industry with a national position handling six import vehicles traveling all over the US presenting the Autotrader.com Tier 2 programs. She retired from sales in 2011 and has relocated to a rural life in Makanda, Illinois.

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    The Current River represents many things to me: a place to be with my friends and my dear brother, Chris. It’s a great opportunity to kick back, leave the cell phones behind, and start drinking before noon.

    The Current River holds great memories for all of us: my first husband, my family, including my kids. No matter what was happening in mid-July, it didn’t matter. A trip down the clear blue water of a gentle current, carrying us within it, is in order. It’s how we relax and recharge for our real life.

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    Wendy Hilt is from Murphysboro, Illinois and has two sons: Dane and Tucker. (They are Davis boys.) Wendy started her career in sales and really found a home for herself in radio with the launch of New Country Z100 in Southern Illinois. After her children were born she and the fam relocated to St. Louis where Wendy began several radio success stories. Most impressive is that she put her baseball knowledge to work and went to work for KMOX and the St. Louis Cardinals selling advertisements and promotions at Busch Stadium. In 1998 Wendy went to work in the internet industry with a national position handling six import vehicles traveling all over the US presenting the Autotrader.com Tier 2 programs. She retired from sales in 2011 and has relocated to a rural life in Makanda, Illinois.

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    Wendy Hilt, Owner of http://www.growinguphilt.com

    Phone: (314)604-6804

    wendyhilt@gmail.com

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    Wendy Hilt is from Murphysboro, Illinois and has two sons: Dane and Tucker. (They are Davis boys.) Wendy started her career in sales and really found a home for herself in radio with the launch of New Country Z100 in Southern Illinois. After her children were born she and the fam relocated to St. Louis where Wendy began several radio success stories. Most impressive is that she put her baseball knowledge to work and went to work for KMOX and the St. Louis Cardinals selling advertisements and promotions at Busch Stadium. In 1998 Wendy went to work in the internet industry with a national position handling six import vehicles traveling all over the US presenting the Autotrader.com Tier 2 programs. She retired from sales in 2011 and has relocated to a rural life in Makanda, Illinois.

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    This is Joanne Vogelpohl, Richard Hudson, Kevin Alfultis, Wendy Hilt. We all started in rural, small-market radio and made the jump to large-market radio in St. Louis.

    Joanne became the most significant account executive in all of St. Louis, spending time working for KEZK and a brief stint with KTRS to sell baseball broadcasts. Wendy and Joanne have known each other since the way back in Southern Illinois. Wendy refers to Joanne as her “Big Sister in radio.”

    Richard Hudson began his marketing career with Wendy in 1993 at Z100, moved to television and ultimately became a manager at Autotrader.com and other internet automotive sites.

    Kevin Alfultis began in Southeast Missouri, and worked in St. Louis with Wendy at KSLZ. Kevin worked as a top-biller at KEZK before leaving radio to also work for Autotrader.com. Kevin became a National Account Manager for ATC and other automotive sites.

    Wendy began her marketing career working for New Country Z100 in Southern Illinois. In 1992. In 1998, she moved to St. Louis and did stints in Country Radio, Top 40, and KMOX as a baseball Cardinal seller in 2004. Wendy left radio after that and went to work as a National Account Executive for Autotrader.com, handling six new car brands with Tier 2 advertising in the US. She retired in 2011.

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    Wendy Hilt is from Murphysboro, Illinois and has two sons: Dane and Tucker. (They are Davis boys.) Wendy started her career in sales and really found a home for herself in radio with the launch of New Country Z100 in Southern Illinois. After her children were born she and the fam relocated to St. Louis where Wendy began several radio success stories. Most impressive is that she put her baseball knowledge to work and went to work for KMOX and the St. Louis Cardinals selling advertisements and promotions at Busch Stadium. In 1998 Wendy went to work in the internet industry with a national position handling six import vehicles traveling all over the US presenting the Autotrader.com Tier 2 programs. She retired from sales in 2011 and has relocated to a rural life in Makanda, Illinois.

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    A Memoir about the journey through success with bipolar disorder.

    “Growing up Hilt” is a 200+ page memoir by Wendy Hilt starting in childhood, teen years, first love, career start in local radio, and transitioning to large market radio in St. Louis. Working for KMOX and the St. Louis Cardinals Major League Baseball broadcasts, she transitioned out of radio and into internet sales as a National Accounts Rep handling six brands of import vehicles.

    While handling a high-stress, high-demand job that focused on results, Wendy had two children (boys), and then she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and breast cancer. The bipolar diagnosis was a permanent condition that accompanied all of her work challenges, and she began therapy and medicine to balance her actions. The breast cancer treatment included surgery, radiation, and long-term medication therapy. The malignancy was cured, and Wendy preached for people to have their screening mammograms on time every year